The Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

 

Director: Terry Lofton (and Bill Leslie)

Screenplay: Terry Lofton

Cast: Rocky Patterson (as Doctor Rocky Jones); Ron Queen (as Sheriff Thomas); Beau Leland (as Bubba Jenkins); Michelle Meyer (as Linda Jenkins); Sebrina Lawless (as Mary Sue Johnson); Monica Lawless (as Bobbi Jo Johnson); Jerry Nelson (as Leroy Johnson); Mike Coady (as Mark)

An Abstract Film Luminary / A Night of a Thousand Horror (Movies) Re-Review

 

Do you remember when you could sit outside and not worry about the mosquitoes and the killers?

 

A camouflage wearing, bike helmeted figure driving a gold hearse is picking people off in a small Texas town with a nail gun. Amongst those killed, whilst almost random as a killing spree at first, are builders involved in a gang rape of a young woman some time before. Could the events be connected? Whilst that premise, barring a few quirks, sounds very serious, this Texas made production is a very peculiar, off-the-wall little production. Very peculiar.

Watching The Nail Gun Massacre, it is a slasher film which invaded a small Texas town and cross pollinated to create a bizarre mutant, an era of mullets on women and rock songs about foosball. It is a notorious film, a more imposing film to try to appreciate even for the "so bad it's good" crowd of viewer due to how weird it is. The drastic tonal shift from a serious opening rape belies the farce the film really is, likely to put many off before you get to moment after moment of utterly ridiculous scenes, dialogue and production issues on display. This is a rare case of such a film which is consistently memorable in each scene, in good aspects and those that are funny, where I have watched this over the years multiple times and am still constantly wrong footing by.

The Nail Gun Massacre, which is mainly a series of random killings by nail gun, even in its premise is a strange one. Whilst a potentially dangerous weapon, our killer is a figure (clearly acted by an actress under the costume as part of the red herrings) in full camouflage with a motorbike helmet, imposing if easy to spot with the bright yellow cylinder required to fire the nail gun strapped their back. (It does not stop them hiding in a person's swimming pool in the water, but still). That and they drive around in a gold painted hearse. Whilst there are many painful moments with nail guns, including to the male crotch, you also have death by nail in elbow or stomach, as well as the curious question for one victim, left to bleed to death on the highway, whether you can nail someone to tarmac even with a high powered nail gun. That and two victims being first found firing nail guns at each other on a construction site to entertain themselves like a game of cops and robbers.

In terms of slasher films, a horror subgenre I can be unpredictable in my opinions on per film, The Nail Gun Massacre is one of the more entertaining examples because it never gets slogged into the predictability of many others due to this tone, and is such a weird beast to experience only over eighty minutes. It helps as well that the late director and creator Terry Lofton, realising mid-production the problems he was facing (that he needed to shot drastic amounts of new footage to splice in, that people as mentioned were firing guns nearby mid-filming, that cast members became unavailable or had to be replaced by his own mother in one of the more infamous scenes), and went with the punches, adding intentional humour and absurdity to the tone. Thankfully, he did not start deliberately making a bad movie, but continued to make what he wanted to be the next Texas horror film after The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), "cheaper than a chainsaw" as one memorable tagline stated, whilst accepting any flaws that came up as part of the film's flavour. Some aspects do not work. The opening sequence is uncomfortable even if brief, as a serious and (actually carefully done) scene of sexual violence, whilst the decision to make the killer with a robot voice have wisecracks does vary even if there are some funny lines. Others however are very funny and it is good to know they were on purpose.

Another factor is that, like many of these American independent horror movies, they still manage to be apt documents of real lo-fi Americana even when they are following the scripts of horror plotlines. The verisimilitude found from having to use local actors or, as mentioned, even the director's own mother (who was the actual store owner of one of the locations) has an immense effect in giving the film more to admire even if the original intentions are found wanting. The actresses cast to do nude scenes yet look like women you would actually cross on the street at that time in Texas with mid eighties perms and Bridget Jones knickers. The same applies to the men, including one now immortalised onscreen, in a gratuitously long sex scene in the woods with a man's bared buttocks thrusting back and forth dead centre on camera.

Even if the plot is a mess, devolving very quickly into a series of random kills and characters who appear and then disappear, what I found myself interested in more was the grungy reality of a film that had to rely on non-actors and locations you normally do not seen in higher budgeted horror movies from the time instead. It helps that the two men who have to find the killer, the sheriff (Ron Queen) and a doctor (Rocky Patterson), the later refuses to wear a proper uniform but a Canadian tuxedo of denim, are interesting for exasperated and bickering heroes, especially when they start to sass and tease each other despite eventually bonding. The amount of side characters, even if they are eventually to be killed off, are better than in other slashers as you get to follow them, a group of fascinating figures even in their quirks. Having a picnic in the woods consisting only of Ritz crackers and soda. The woman with her boyfriend in bed wishing he would give her an "organ transplant" than go off to work. Of the girlfriend unimpressed by her new boyfriend taking her to a cafe for $1.19 grilled cheese, and his ex the waitress there for an uncomfortable interaction, or the actor who has to push himself back even when supposed to be playing dead on top of a barbecue he  has just landed on in his death scene. The Nail Gun Massacre is far more rewarding in its humorous asides intentional or not, and for every gaffe technically or in content, the homebrewed tone helps support The Nail Gun Massacre for all its mishaps. It unexpectedly turned it into a document of the place the production was shooting at that time, just one that happens to be wrapped up into a slasher film.

The only aspect which may put people off is how the audio and music works, which is an acquired taste. Whitey Thomas' music for every head scratching decision, (infamously the piano cords undercutting one piece of the Sheriff's dialogue of example), is also amazingly creepy in its literal screaming tones and drones. He even has New Age sounds when the film is nice, contrasting how freakish the music can be even over the opening credits. Even the ridiculous robot voice for the killer, whilst making bad puns that cannot be heard properly most of the time, still have an appropriate madness to it. It is however something that could give a viewer a headache if they cannot appreciate it.

The Nail Gun Massacre definitely sits in a place that feels like Texas but is completely alien to planet Earth in general, the sort of place where police go to a crime scene but leave the body, telling the bystanders an ambulance will come to pick it up later in one of many moments of terrible crime scene management. It is amazing, actually, how such an erratic film, especially as someone with mixed thoughts on the subgenre, manages to still work altogether in spite of the glaringly obvious problems, from its mangled production history with extensive reshoots. This is entirely in mind to my increasingly weird tastes in cinema. But a lot of it, intentional and not, is to do with the fact it is a constant barrage of weird dialogue, strange plotting decisions and visible production mistakes too. Baring one prolonged scene of the doctor on the phone talking, the film always has something new to stumble over, placing it above many "so bad they're good" movies which coast along with only a few wooden lines of dialogue and mostly blandness. I even find that term being here even an insult, as every film I watch and like in spite of questionable production aspects do not deserve such a crass stigma latched onto them.

It is probably as much due to Terry Lofton's right decision in being in on the joke that helps with this, wanting to still make a well made film, helped by its use of film celluloid even on 16mm, but taking the blows on his chin without issue. The result is one to tackle with caution and awareness of the final work, but I cannot help but like The Night Gun Massacre. It has an appropriate deranged energy that intoxicates me, left dizzy afterwards but rewarded by that queer feeling alongside the ridiculous memorable mishaps.

 

Abstract Spectrum: Psychotronic/Weird

Abstract Rating (High/Medium/Low/None): Low