Monday 3 January 2022

Games of the Abstract Ranked

Eventually, these reviews will likely be split up per console/medium, but until then, every game I cover on this blog will get a ranking as such in terms of which I really enjoyed the most, personal with nods to their virtues, alongside a link to all the reviews for comfort of ease.

Introduction

*****

Review List (By Time Line of Video Games)


(Title (Year of First Release) [First Console/Machine Released for that version])

1. Games with ranked numbers as such as highlights of this year ranked.


1986

1. Castlevania (1986) [Nintendo Entertainment System] - The beginning of Konami's legndary franchise about whipping Dracula in the head. 


1988

October 29, 1988 - Sega Mega Drive / Genesis first released in Japan.


1989

April 21, 1989 - Nintendo Game Boy first released in Japan.

Castlevania - The Adventure (1989) [Nintendo Game Boy] - The failed attempt to bring the Castlevania franchise to the legendary handheld, with an emphasis on struggling platforming, rolling giant eyeballs and a pathological fixation on climbing ropes.


1990

November 21, 1990 - Super Famicom/Super Nintendo Entertainment System first released in Japan.

Gals Panic (1990) [Arcade] - An erotic Qix game - draw on the screen to take space, whilst avoiding enemies - if one that is at least made with charm rather than feeling sleazy. Sadly that would arrive in sequels. 


1991

December 3rd 1991 - First release of Philips CD-i.

1. Sonic the Hedgehog (1991) [Sega Mega Drive / Genesis] - The blue hedgehog's legendary debut for Sega, traumatising water level music cues and robot enemies in his way.

2. Super Castlevania IV (1991) [Super Nintendo Entertainment System] - The Castlevania franchise swings into the 16-bit systems with pride.

3. Rockin' Kats (1991) [Nintendo Entertainment System] - Cat in a hat and tie rescuing his girlfriend in a cartoon series platformer pastiche. 

4. 64th Street - A Detective Story (1991) [Arcade] - Depression era USA as reinterpreted as a beat-em-up where detectives eventually fight robots in a blimp.

Castlevania II - Belmont's Revenge (1991) [Nintendo Game Boy] - The successful attempt to improve on the original handheld game, with the fixation of climbing ropes and rolling eyeballs back in a superior platformer. 


1992

1. Boogie Wings (1992) [Arcade] - An awesome period based scrolling shooter, set in classic pulp story Americana, where one dashing hero will even face an evil Santa Claus robot by biplane, on foot or even a pogo stick in this inventive arcade game.

2. Undercover Cops (1992) [Arcade] - The beat-em-up turns its eye to futuristic dystopia cops cleaning the streets of crime and mad scientists turning people into mutants. 

3. B. Rap Boys (1992) [Arcade] - Hip hop, as interpreted by Japanese video game develops, in a beat-em-up where you fight lions at one point.


1993

October 4, 1993 - 3DO Interactive Multiplayer released first in North America.

November 23, 1993 - Atari Jaguar released first in North America.

1Gunstar Heroes (1993) [Sega Mega Drive/Genesis] - Treasure's legendary debut, a run-and-gun shooter where throwing the kitchen sink in means a seven-stage boss battle and even a scrolling shooter stage among its graphical charms and personality. 

2. Night Slashers (1993) [Arcade] - A morbid horror beat-em-up where kneeing Dracula in the stomach repeatedly is just one of the many things you will get up to.

3. Ninja Baseball Bat Man (1993) [Arcade] - With the power of baseball-jitsu, four baseball ninjas are bad enough to retrieve stolen baseball memorabilia artefacts from across the many states of the USA.

4. Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (1993) [Arcade] - Capcom do no wrong with the beat-em-up, especially when this obscure multi-media franchise, with its own cartoon series, offers this idiosyncratic premise, existing in a post-apocalypse causes dinosaurs to return but Cadillac cars and Mad Max bikers room the wasteland.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties (1993) [3DO Interactive Multiplayer / Microsoft Windows] - An offensive but morbidly compelling photo slideshow choose-your-own adventure about trying to get a man and a woman together, presided by a narrator occasionally wearing a chicken head.

Strahl (1993) [3DO Interactive Multiplayer / Sega Saturn / Pioneer LaserActive] - A full motion video animated game, where you hit the right button to progress, where a male hero goes through a fantasy gauntlet of challenges to save the world. 


1994

November 21, 1994 - Sega 32X first released in North America.

November 22, 1994 - Sega Saturn first released in Japan.

December 3, 1994 - Sony Playstation first released in Japan.

1. Fantastic Journey a.k.a. Gokujo Parodius (1994)  [Arcade/Sega Saturn] - Expect in this scrolling shooter to fight penguins, giant robot ballerinas, and at least once sequence among flying chickens dressed as people in the middle of rush hour.

2. Castlevania - Bloodlines (1994) [Sega Mega Drive/Genesis] - Konami's horror action franchise about vampire and general monster killers done Sega 16-bit style. 

3. Bubble Symphony (1994) [Arcade] - A lavish sequel to Bubble Bobble, in which kids turned into dragons hop and blow bubbles in enemy files one-screen levels which, in tribute to Taito's older games, even gets into a Space Invaders and Darius level or two.

Battle Pinball (1994) [3DO Multiplayer Interactive] - A Japanese exclusive on the American console where the Grim Reaper, an alien, a gambler and a very hardworking mole man compete in pinball games where two players on separate tables compete together once until one losses all their balls or gets a higher score.

Jazz Jackrabbit (1994) [MS-DOS] - Early Epic Games brought a ridiculous and very nineties tones to this shareware favorite, one jackrabbit against one diabolical tortoise who kidnapped his beau, taking a gun with firepower to blast obstacles across the galaxy in this shooter-platformer.

The Mansion of Lost Souls (1994) [Sega Saturn] - Sequel to a Mega-CD/Sega-CD FMV game, a FMV mystery narrative set in a mansion of souls long deceased investigate why the moon has suddenly turned red and the danger of someone removing them all from existence in the afterlife. 


1995

July 21st 1995 - Nintendo Virtual Boy first released in Japan.

1Guardians - Denjin Makai II (1995) [Arcade] - One of the unsung beat-em-ups, and proudly one of the weirdest. Fight a menagerie of strange enemies in a future world with the likes of a winged bird woman or a man so buff he needs little clothing on.

2. D (1995) [3DO Interactive Multiplayer] - A roto-escape room puzzle game which has a two hour time limit, in which a woman finds herself sucked into a gothic realm when her doctor father goes on a shooting rampage in a hospital, her cursed lineage faced within an innovator in full motion puzzle gaming.

3. Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon (1995) [Arcade] - The legendary franchise, about high school magical girls saving the world from monsters, enter the beat-em-up genre in one of its few games entirely dominated by female leads. 

4. Tempo (1995) [Sega 32X] - A surreal (and gorgeous looking) platformer about the most violently contested dance competition between a groovy cricket and his girlfriend against the likes of a polygonal-like giant shoe. 

5. Shinobi X (1995) [Sega Saturn] - That strange time the Shinobi franchise, about ninja warriors fighting evil, turned into a game with digitized actors and with cut scenes straight from a straight-to-video action film. It is as ridiculous as that sounds but is damn underrated. 

6. Ristar (1995) [Sega Mega Drive / Genesis] - Sega's obscurer platformer about a sentient star with stretchy arms in gorgeous late 16-bit sci-fi worlds.  

Gals Panic 3 (1995) [Arcade] - When erotic arcade games, and a long running Qix-based franchise, just gets sleazy, difficult to defend for this genre, and weird in a bad way in its garish digitized photo form.

Love Bites (1995) [3DO Multiplayer Interactive] - Vivid Interactive's softcore compilation of footage erotic female vampires.

Panic Bomber (1995) [Nintendo Virtual Boy] - Nintendo's ill-advised attempt at three dimensional gaming least provided us with a Bomberman puzzle spin off, challenging the horror themed but cute denizens of a mysterious island to explosion laded puzzle blocks games for a fabled trophy. 

Phantasmagoria (1995) [ScummVM / Windows / MS-DOS / Sega Saturn] - Roberta Williams, a pioneer as a female video games developer, developed an ambitious and expensive full motion video horror game, a point n click tale of more adult content following a married couple's ill-advised decision to live in the the manor of a famous 19th-century magician, Zoltan "Carno" Carnovasch. 


1996

June 23, 1996 - Nintendo 64 first released in Japan.

1. Keio Flying Squadron 2 (1996) [Sega Saturn] - A mad-cap platformer sequel to a scrolling shooter where a bunny suited female protagonist finds herself in Edo period rollercoaster parks, flying in space and having to walk on Japanese pop cultural terms in her journey to return family heirlooms.

2. Kyuin (1996) [Sony Playstation] - A sadly obscure horizontal cute 'em-up worthy of rediscovery, in which a boy and/or girl with their flying vacuum cleaner save all of fairytales from an evil sorcerer. 

3Battle Garegga (1996) [Arcade] - The hardest of the hard vertical shooters, of a tiny plane or two up against the odds (and all the bullets and missiles) of an entire world conquering army of war planes and weapons. 

4. Daytona USA – Championship Circuit Edition (1996) [Sega Saturn] - Attempting to resolve the messy conversion of the original Daytona USA Saturn port, Sega end up with this very different remake. With added Mr. Big vocalists.

Gal Panic SS (1996) [Sega Saturn] - Whilst a console spin-off to an adult arcade franchise, this Qix-clone is the non-erotic, cute puzzler of avoiding giant missile firing forms and their grunts to uncover illustrations of anime women. Even in context of its origins, it is surprisingly fun, whilst the pastel look and soundtrack are a nineties sugar rush of twee.


1997

1. Mischief Makers (1997) [Nintendo 64] - Developer Treasure's deeply underappreciated 2D.5 shake 'em up where you get to catch projectiles, ride missiles, and shake enemies and members of the populous alike.

2. Harmful Park (1997) [Sony Playstation] - Tragically rare and expensive PSone "cute-em-up", where only two sisters on airbikes can stop a mad scientist hijacking an amusement park and arming it with cute bullet firing antagonists.

Ninpen Manmaru (1997) [Sega Saturn] - An obscure Saturn only 3D platformer, based on an anime and manga about a ninja penguin. As cute as the protagonist, but with many mean tricks up its sleeve.

Panic Park (1997) [Arcade] - Namco presents, with only a single rigid joystick to maneuver with, the ultimate theme park of death over twenty five bizarre mini-games for you or with another player to jostle controls with. 

Planet Joker (1997) [Sega Saturn] - A notorious and obscure scrolling shooter in which three female pilots must protect Tokyo (and the world) from the forces of Planet Joker; sympathy deserved for trying, and its b-anime aesthetic, but mechanics and visuals are huge flaws.  

Sonic R (1997) [Sega Saturn] - Sonic the Hedgehog and friends compete in foot/vehicle races with a heavy emphasis on platforming, Sega blue skies and Euro-pop music.

Vinnie's Tomb, Chapter One - The Road To Vinnie's Tomb (1997) [Windows] - The strange Canadian produced point n click adventure with invisible badly drawn horses in MS-PaintWayne Newton comparisons and a soundtrack like The Residents falling down the stairs. 


1998

November 27th 1998 - Sega Dreamcast first released in Japan.

1. Screaming Mad George's ParanoiaScape (1998)  [Sony PlayStation One] - Enter the world of eyes in the ceiling, intestinal corridors and human cockroaches...by way of pinball.

2Metal Slug X (1998) [Arcade / Neo Geo] - SNK follow up the first in their beloved run-and-gun franchise with a world tour jaunt, aliens and a lot of humour, served with incredible animation and gameplay quality.

3. MediEvil (1998) [Sony Playstation] - Sir Daniel Fortesque's journey to defeat Zarok struggles with mechanics from the era, but I cannot deny, alongside nostalgia, a lot of moments returning and finishing this game where many virtues were to be found as much as hair pulling moments. 

Pachinko Sexy Reaction (1998) [Arcade] - Not surprisingly, there was an erotic pachinko game made for the arcade, but they decided to make something aesthetically bright and colourful even if you might be embarassed playing it.


1999

1. Pepsiman (1999) [Sony Playstation] - The meme legend, and Japanese mascot for Pepsi cola, a bumbling sentai superhero for refreshing drinks who in an endless runner game must avoid oncoming bikers, construction site pits and even giant rolling cans of Pepsi to help the populous avoid becoming thirsty.

2. Silent Scope (1999) [Arcade Version] [Arcade] - Take the light gun game, where a one man army has to rescue the US president and his family from terrorists, but change the plastic peripheral to a sniper rifle and force them to have to use precision. Still utterly ridiculous, like a straight-to-video action film in tone with an unlimited scope, but changing how this genre plays out in a unique way.  

Captain Tomaday (1999) [Arcade [Neo Geo MVS]] - The scrolling shooter where Earth is saved from aliens being a cute sentient tomato. 

Pachinko Sexy Reaction 2 (1999) [Arcade] - Not surprisingly, there was a sequel to an erotic pachinko game made for the arcade, but they decided to make something aesthetically bright and tried to make it more an overt arcade game even if you might be embarassed playing it.


2000

Police 911 (2000) [Arcade] - Fighting crime as a police officer, entirely having to relay on motion motion cameras and your own body to dodge the bullets fired back. 


2001

September 14, 2001 - Nintendo GameCube first released in Japan.


2002

1. Kowai Shashin - Shinrei Shashin Kitan (2002) [Sony Playstation] - Once dubbed a cursed game by the internet; in truth, the real game is more compelling than this creepy pasta story, a real one-off where a female exorcist is able to devour evil ghosts from spirit photographs in a game that hangs in its own genre of button rhythm mechanics. 


2003

1Espgaluda (2003) [Arcade] - From Cave, a sombre steampunk fantasy vertical shooter where, alongside a special psychic form which changes the welder's gender, two siblings experimented upon by their fathers to be weapons must stop him for the sake of all.

2. P.N.03 (2003) [Nintendo GameCube] - A deeply maligned GameCube exclusive, in which a female mercenary grooves, dances and shoots her way through killer robots.


2004


2005

The House of the Dead 4 (2005) [Arcade] - The zombie shooting Sega franchise (until the 2010s) goes out with a bang in its plot focused finale.


2006

1. Time Crisis 4 (2006) [Arcade] - Namco's lightgun franchise just embraces being a Michael Bay-like action blockbuster, involving insectoid robot weapons and action set pieces, and it is worth celebrating.

Aliens: Extermination (2006) [Arcade] - Fun lightgun game in concept, completely bland in terms of being a lightgun game and adapting the Alien franchise. 

Let's Go Jungle! - Lost on the Island of Spice (2006) [Arcade] - Two player light gun shooter where an American couple, off in the Pacific/Thailand islands, find themselves unfortunately on the island where giant rampaging insects and frogs are attacking everyone.


2007

1. Super Mario Galaxy (2007) [Nintendo Wii] - Usually sending your franchise into outer space is a sign of decline. Here with the Nintendo mascot Mario, hopping and flying around levels which even distort gravity itself let alone conventional game controls, you instead have a zenith of creativity.

Peggle Deluxe (2007) [Microsoft Windows / Mac OS X / iPod / Windows Mobile] - The ultra-casual, ultra-popular game, on all those formats, where you shoot a ball to hit orange pegs on behest of a guru unicorn and other critters, just in hope for Ode to Joy to suddenly hit with a fireworks display to congratulate you.


2008

Rambo (2008) [Arcade] - Sega's adaptation of the Rambo films to the lightgun genre which strangely rids most of the original context.

Razing Storm (2008) [Arcade / Sony Playstation 3] - Namco's lightgun spectacle of burly futuristic army men against robots couldn't be more browner or more macho even if you added more licensed Five Finger Death Punch songs into it. 


2009

1Sin & Punishment - Star Successor (2009) [Nintendo Wii] - One young man and an alien girl defend each other from strange enemies and an army of goons, in an on-rail sci-fi fever dream interpretation of Earth.

2Muramasa: The Demon Blade (2009) [Nintendo Wii] - Vanillaware's period Japanese hack-n-slash game enriched in Japanese culture and mythology, where cooking is an elaborate option alongside forging swords


2010

2011


2012

1. Frog Fractions (2012) [Flash] - A charming edutainment game about learning about fractions...well barring the text adventure segment or the dancing rhythm section. 

Dark Escape 4D (2012) [Arcade] - If William Castle, the legendary film producer and director, ever made horror video games which followed his history of legendary gimmicks, he would have made Dark Escape, which decided to not only have 3D glasses and a heart monitor, but also throw is air blowers and vibrating seats too. 


2013

Mitsurugi Kamui Hikae (2013) [Microsoft Windows] - Low budget area based hack’n’ slash where one young woman with a cursed samurai sword, our heroine, has to stop another with a desire for pure evil.


2014


2015

1. Broforce (2015) [Windows] - Stand-ins to legendary characters from action film history are bro enough to fight Satan and his legions of masked terrorists in this 2D platform shooter where almost everything explodes.

2Her Story (2015) [Windows/Mobile] - Developer/Publisher Sam Barlow reinterprets the Full Motion Video genre into an interactive puzzle, searching through old interview footage with a woman named Hannah over a crime, and finding the narrative of her titular story becoming more complex and tragic. 

Jurassic Park Arcade (2015) [Arcade] - Rescuing dinosaurs, whilst nonetheless electrocuting and freezing half of them back to extinction, in this lightgun cabinet game. 

Luigi's Mansion Arcade (2015) [Arcade] - The lightgun spin-off to a spin-off, from Capcom with a beloved put-upon sibling, creates a type of game I wish was expanded upon - the vacuum-em-up - here with ghouls and ghosts at the end of the ghostbuster hover bag. 


2016

1. Bot Vice (2016) [Windows] - A nice throwback to classic shooters where a former female cop shoots everything that moves, and is an animal robot person, in a sci-fi action scenario.


2017

Cinderella Escape 2 Revenge (2017) [Windows] - Independently made softcore beat-em-up, in which in a fairy tale world, where punching someone's clothes off reduces their strength, a newly resurrected (but bound) Cinderella must prove her innocence for murder whilst in the midst of a conflict between the human world and artificially made puppet people.

The Walking Dead (2017) [Arcade]  - The long running zombie television franchise gets turned into a crossbow on-rails game, a rare case of a scrolling lightgun game which is bleak as it is still a spectacle cabinet.


2018


2019

1WHAT THE GOLF? (2019)

[Windows/Apple Arcade]

Golf for those who hate golf...which happens to be faithful to golfing as a video game even when you putt TVs into giant cats.


2020

Super Bernie World (2020) [Microsoft Windows] - Imagine the classic Mario platforming template only with Democratic politician Bernie Sanders having to jump and dash across a mushroom kingdom United States full of Republican turtle creatures, red hated people, and boss fights where the player is able to put Ted Cruz in a cage. Not a game which shied away from its political intentions when made during a campaign year.


2021

Elevator Action Invasion (2021) [Arcade] - The legendary Taito franchise is rebooted...as an okay lightgun shooter, fighting robots and axe welding enemies, where the key gimmick is mechanic elevator doors on the arcade cabinet.  


2022

Spooky Starlets - Movie Monsters (2022) [Windows] - An adult game where, by card deck mechanics, you literally run an adult movie company in the afterlife with living dead girls and werewolf women. 

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